Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
