Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
