He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
