brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize