So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
