God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
