return my video game
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
