we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
