Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
