I haven't been this sober since birth.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
