I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
