I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
