So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
