She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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