If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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