Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
