i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
