Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
