i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
