I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just gargled with NyQuil
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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