Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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