Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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