yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
