There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
