Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My ATM looks so different sober.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
