the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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