Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
