mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
