I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize