i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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