Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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