after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
of course. lets lasso hookers.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
