but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
