i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
