I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
