We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
