I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
