i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
