just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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