It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
