The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
