He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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