margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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