Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
