And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
