Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
