my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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