Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
