Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
