so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
