How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
