The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
