How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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