Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I've blown a few things in my day
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
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You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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