John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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