dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
