i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
