Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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