I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
