Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i think i just lost a toe
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
