i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
