wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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