I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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