oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
