she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he thought i was a dude.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
