I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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