She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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