There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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