Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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