Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
