if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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