i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize