we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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