I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
