i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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