He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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