If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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