Yo dont text me then not text me
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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