Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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