So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
