he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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