is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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